Sunday, 5 February 2012

The D (Divorce) Word

Divorce. Just the sound of this word being uttered by your spouse can send waves of panic rushing through you. And quite rightfully so. Panic, guilt, blame, shame, fear, anger, sadness are all very common and natural emotions that one may experience at this time. Sometimes there is elation and a sense of a weight being lifted from your shoulders if both parties were expecting something like this to happen but too scared to broach the subject. The fact is that there is no right and wrong to feel about Divorce.

The truth is that Divorce is a life changing event which some describe as the closest thing to bereavement that they have experienced. Many will shed tears in my office and I have a large supply of tissues handy for those moments. Many will be fine until they start to talk about the marriage and what went wrong.

Each breakdown of a relationship involves two sets of behavior that at some point stop complimenting one another. This leads to issues and arguments and eventually disagreements and growing apart as a result. Many trial separations are the beginning of the end. Separation will teach you to be apart and not always help to resolve the issues. By the time the client reaches my office many have already concluded that the marriage has ended. They want to end the relationship and some want to rant and rave and express anger at what they experienced. Others come to the quiet dignified conclusion that they want to keep matters as amicable as possible.

 As a qualified Collaborative Lawyer, this element of my training often seeps into the advice that I give. In some cases it is wise to let the party that wants to vent anger get it off their chest. I am able to identify such cases where there this need exists and advise the clients accordingly. For some venting the anger allows them to move on to consider other more important issues, like contact, children, finances and debts.

There are many ways that Divorce can be progressed with as little aggravation to the other party as possible. However, many Solicitors let their clients take over and dictate how the proceedings should be conducted and allow anger and hostile comments to be made in correspondence. I for one, discourage this. What will is achieve in the long run? Is it not better to limit the correspondence to the issues in hand rather than draft 10 pages of reasons why the marriage ended. Surely keeping it simple and concise would reduce the anxiety and distress for both that are involved. Heightened emotions will only lead to the issues becoming clouded.

As a Resolution Accredited Specialist Family Solicitor, my aim is to make this chapter of your life as easy and simple as possible. I cannot make Divorce a seamless transition but I can make it effective, non confrontational, constructive and cost effective. I am wary of companies that offer a Quickie Divorce for under fifty pounds and promise a divorce in weeks. As reputable as these companies may be, this is simply not possible to achieve. The picture is painted that if you involve a solicitor it will cause lots of delays. The fact of the matter is that by the appointment of a Solicitor you will receive legal advice along the way which is very important as divorce can effect your inheritance, your will and your finances. It is important that if you have children the correct financial claims and considerations are undertaken on your behalf. The correct claims must be made on your behalf so that financial matters can be progressed if disputed.

There are 5 facts upon which you can commence divorce proceedings in the UK; Adultery, Unreasonable Behavior, 2 years separation with Consent, Desertion and 5 years Separation. The solicitor instructed would advice you as to the most suitable fact for your divorce. Commonly, I have spoken with people who have said that they thought that the Divorce was automatic after 2 years. Many think it just happens if you separate and a telepathic communication is sent to the powers that be and they automatically grant the divorce. It is not that simple. Until you begin Court proceedings to dissolve your marriage you will remain married regardless of how long you have been separated.

If you have been through a separation or are contemplating Divorce you should obtain legal advice about your legal position and the action that you can take. failure to take the correct course of action can leave you with undesired financial implications.

At Leeds Family Law we offer a free consultation and ensure that even if we do not see you again, all myths about divorce that you have heard are cleared and you leave understanding your legal position and legal rights.   Please call us to discuss your family matter in the strictest confidence on 0113 3944145 or visit our website for more information at www.leedsfamilylaw.co.uk and see what we can do for you. Good, honest Yorkshire advice comes as standard!

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